- The first characteristic is an uncontrolled tongue. (James 3:2-4) James writes, if a person can control his tongue that man is a perfect man or she is a perfect woman. He illustrates it two ways: 1) like a bit placed in a horse’s mouth and yet the bit controls the muscular animal, and 2) like a small rudder that directs a large ship sailing into strong winds.James gives some powerful metaphors for the tongue: fire and poison. (James 3:5-8). We will not always see the effects of a small fire or small doses of poison, but over time the tongue can kill.
- The second characteristic is an unmet expectation or an unfulfilled desire. (James 4:1-2) According to James 4, when expectations are unmet and desires are unfulfilled, we kill. We kill in a rather 2017 domesticated fashion. We kill with our eyes. We kill with our words. We kill with our body language. We make sure to manifest every form of visible disgust.
- The third trait that contributes to conflict is: unrepentant pride.
When you mix unrepentant pride, unmet expectations and an uncontrolled tongue that is a recipe for a deadly cocktail to any relationship. Sip on that long enough it will kill you.
If you’d like to hear the message that Pastor Joel preached on resolving conflict from James 3 & 4, you can do so here: